my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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