Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It was confusing and full of hummus
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
