She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
