After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
