I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
