Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize