I think i peed on brittanys purse
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
