arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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