i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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