I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
