Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
