omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
