careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
