Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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