i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
