11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
someone owes me an orgasm
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
