i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
