Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
