Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
