i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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