You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
