ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
