I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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