Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
