if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
