How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
