The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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