What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
