I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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