So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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