She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so let's talk penis.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
