How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
