you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
