I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
