2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
