I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
