I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
