She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
