all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
