Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
