Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
