Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
