Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
