I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
