You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
