I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
