She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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