I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
