I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
