You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
