hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
