I puked a lego.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
